How to Help Your Husband Through Male Depression

Male depression can develop just as easily as women; however, men may be less inclined to seek treatment. Some men view therapy as a weakness due to the past stigma of mental conditions. In the past, men faced ridicule if they sought the help of a counselor.

But times have changed, and with it, the normalcy of using therapy to benefit mental health. Caring for one’s mental health is now considered part of self-care. As many as 6.2% of people suffering from depression are men. But how can you help your husband through male depression?

What is male depression?

Many of the symptoms of male depression are the same ones experienced by women worldwide. However, men are more likely to display behavioral changes but are less likely to seek help.

Common depression symptoms include:

• Pervasive sadness.
• Feelings of hopelessness or of being trapped.
• Fatigue and weariness.
• Sleeping too much or insomnia.
• Not enjoying hobbies or interests anymore.
• Headaches.
• Digestive issues like acid reflux and heartburn.
• Unexplainable aches and pain.

Male depression can also bring about the following symptoms:

• Escapism like overworking, overexercising, or substance abuse.
• Risky behaviors such as excessive speeding or extramarital affairs.
• Abusive behaviors: physical, verbal, or emotional.

Every man is different, and not every man verbalizes his emotions or struggles. You may have to look for the above signs and then speak to him about his mental health.

Tips to help your husband with male depression.

You can do things to support your husband if he is suffering from male depression. Depending on your husband’s personality, you may be able to discuss with him ways to alleviate the depression, and he may be relieved that you understand and are willing to support him through this season.

If your husband shrugs you off, don’t take it personally. Instead, try to influence him through your actions. For example, maybe you can get him to take an evening stroll with you outdoors or suggest that the two of you go fishing on the weekend if that is an activity he enjoys.

However, if he is abusive, seek help immediately, as he needs professional treatment. You do not want to endanger yourself.

Seek counseling.

If your husband appears worried about therapy, try to make the encounter as casual as possible. For example, refer to the sessions as counseling, wear comfortable clothing, and let him choose if he would like to attend in-person or virtual meetups.

If your husband prefers that you participate with him, tell the counselor. Just make sure that you do not do most of the talking. You are there for support, but he needs to make the breakthroughs independently.

Don’t get offended if your husband asks you not to attend. He may have a lot on his mind and wants to be able to voice it without hurting your feelings. We all have pet peeves about our spouses but spoken aloud, these trivial actions can cause huge rifts. This is his counseling time, so let him do it his way.

Set goals.

Having something to look forward to or work toward can keep your husband going even on the toughest days. These goals do not need to be substantial ten-year goals (although he should have a few of those also) but short-term goals. For example, maybe he wants to lose five pounds this month, not drink alcohol for seven days, or play basketball every evening after work for a half hour.

Remind your husband of his goals and encourage him to keep the chain of habits that will help him reach them. If he is creating something, praise his work and effort. So often, we feel alone and that no one cares when they overlook the work we put in.

Manage stress.

Your husband is probably stressed, worrying about making ends meet, the family’s health, work drama, family issues, and more. His mind may race with thoughts when he tries to watch television or spend time with you.

Help him to manage his stress. If he is open-minded, suggest that you both learn deep breathing techniques or do a stretching video together. You could massage him or suggest he soak in the tub.

If he doesn’t like those suggestions, then perhaps think of activities that will get his heart pumping and release endorphins to make him feel relaxed and happy. If he is physically able, initiate sex or suggest another physical activity, like hiking or swimming.

Focus on health.

Male depression can keep your husband from practicing healthy habits. He may turn to fast food, junk food, alcohol, or substance abuse. Your husband might want to lie on the couch or in bed when he is home, watching television or scrolling through his phone.

Help him by preparing healthy meals at home and suggesting that the two of you take a walk or participate in a weight training program. Men want to see results from their hard work. Weight lifting will leave him slightly sore, reminding him he is working muscles he hasn’t used for a while. But, as he gets stronger, he will want to continue and see results. Making health goals might be what he needs to keep going.

Revisit hobbies and interests.

When was the last time your husband excitedly engaged in a hobby or interest? Is he overworking and missing time doing what makes him happy? Just as you like to pursue hobbies and interests that make your heart happy, your husband needs the same consideration.

If he seems to have forgotten what brings him joy, bring it up in conversation. What would he like to do again? What interests did he have that he has placed on the back burner? For example, perhaps he wants to build with his hands. Suggest that he start his carpentry again or ask to see designs for what he would like to build. Then, let him know how excited you are to see the finished product.

Be supportive.

Do your husband and you sit down and have discussions? Or do you only speak in passing? It is critical for your relationship to spend time together in conversation, sharing details about your day and how you both are feeling. Be supportive even if he shares worries or fears. Men need to feel safe before displaying any vulnerability. As the wife, you can provide this haven for him.

If his male depression is severe, he may not want to open up to you or avoid talking to you altogether. If that is the case, suggest a counselor as an unbiased third party who can help bridge the gap.

Keep to a routine.

Depression throws us off our daily routine. We lose all incentive to do what we know we are supposed to do, and the fatigue keeps us in bed. Men are the same when suffering from depression. However, sticking to a routine places them on autopilot. Help your husband to get back to his daily routine.

For example, your husband may get up at 5 AM to exercise, get dressed, eat breakfast, and fill a thermos of coffee for his commute. Encourage him by waking up with him, preparing breakfast while he is showering, and getting his thermos ready. Then, in the evening, guide him through his nightly routine by gently prodding him.

There are times when everyone needs a break from the routine. Maybe instead of cooking dinner, you order delivery and settle to watch a movie with your husband. Use your judgment and intuition to meet your husband’s needs in this season. Spouses are rarely both strong at the same time, which is why we have each other. When you need him, he should be the strong one you can lean on.

Schedule an appointment with a counselor.

Is your husband suffering from male depression? Does he need extra support? Give our office a call today to schedule a session with a counselor. In addition, we now have virtual sessions available, making counseling for male depression even more accessible. Give us a call today.