Relationship Advice for Men: The Importance of Friendship

There’s a biblical proverb that says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17, NIV) As good as you are at the various things you do, having another person in your corner who pushes you toward excellence will make you sharper, better. A friend holds you accountable to being the best version of yourself and what the Lord intends you to be.

There is great value in having excellent friends, and also in being a good friend to others. After all, it is a mutual exchange. As important as it is to have friends, it’s not always easy to make and keep good friends. Revisiting why friendships are important may give some much-needed motivation to reach out and connect with a friend, or to step out of your comfort zone to make one.

Challenges with Friendships

When we’re growing up, most of us find it easy to make friends. In childhood, a friendship could come simply from a shared lunch, a common interest, a shared neighborhood, or a parent’s friendship. These and other avenues allow people to make friends, but the older you get, the harder it seems to become.

There’s much that’s been made in the last few years about the epidemic of loneliness in America. This was worsened by the pandemic which further isolated people and damaged existing relationships. With more and more people working from home, that’s reduced one other potential space to meet people and make connections. We might be highly connected through our devices, but we also feel lonelier than ever.

Friendships also often get harder the older you get. Friends drift apart as people move for work, enter committed relationships that take up more time, as work responsibilities pile up, as conflict occurs between friends and causes a rift, and as outlook on life changes, making it harder to find points of connection. The convenience of meeting on a school playground with many shared experiences is swapped out for complex grown-up dynamics.

Lastly, it can get harder to make friends as you get older because as you go through life you accumulate scars. These may be from broken relationships, struggles with mental health, or griefs of various kinds. It gets harder and harder to share these things with people, but making good friends requires that kind of vulnerability and willingness to share yourself.

Moving toward Others in Friendship

Having good friendships plays a significant role in a man’s emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing.  Friendships provide a sense of belonging and community. Strong friendship yields benefits such as lower stress levels and blood pressure, improved mental health, better cardiovascular health, sound sleep, and increased longevity.

Having friends provides you with a social support network that can offer you wisdom, diverse perspectives, and practical assistance. A solid set of friends gives you space for self-improvement and personal development. All of these benefits mean an improved quality of life. The issue, however, is not that these benefits are unknown, but rather how to move toward such friendships.

Men often face challenges with friendships due in part to some of the traditional norms about manhood. From issues such as difficulty expressing emotions and being vulnerable with others, men are often more at risk of being isolated from others, especially after they retire from work. Some of the ways to overcome isolation and build healthy friendships involve:

• Putting yourself out there. Having friends is important, and it’s important enough for your wellbeing to take risks such as stepping out of your comfort zone. Making subtle changes to your daily routines can put a different set of people across your path. Volunteer, join social groups or clubs, attend community events and be willing to make new connections.
• Reach out to your friends. Friendships can suffer from apathy and neglect. Schedule regular check-ins with your friends, or intentionally set time aside in your calendar to catch up with your favorite people. If you need to work out your differences, do so.
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability goes beyond sharing your feelings or deepest fears and secrets. It’s about being honest and authentic about who you are, what you really think and feel, and what you truly find funny. Being authentic can be scary, especially if you feel like you can’t be yourself. The way to make true friends is to be yourself, running the risk of rejection.
• Appreciate what you have. Guys can struggle with sharing genuine emotions. However, letting your friends know that you appreciate them and are thankful for them is worthwhile. Be open to saying “Thank you” to your friends for their friendship. Don’t wait till it’s too late to say what you could say over a phone call right now.           

Help is Available

Making healthy friendships is necessary for improving a man’s physical, social, and emotional well-being. If you have challenges with vulnerability, making healthy connections with others, a temper that drives others away, or overcoming unforgiveness, you can talk with a counselor who can help you process these things. With help from your counselor, you can nurture healthy friendships that last a lifetime.

If you are ready to start a healing journey with a counselor, call our offices today. We will connect you with one of the therapists in our practice that can come alongside you to help you build the vulnerability and authenticity needed for healthy friendships.