Relationship OCD: How It Affects You And Your Relationship

The health of your relationships is a significant indicator of well-being. When your relationships are in a great space, you’re likely to have lower stress levels, more likely to feel connected, and you can experience a boost to your immune system. When your relationships are in disarray or you’re experiencing a lot of relational conflict, it can negatively affect your well-being. You may have relationship OCD.

Have you ever found yourself wondering about the relationship you’re in? Perhaps you are questioning whether you’re still attracted to your partner, whether there’s something wrong with your relationship because you don’t seem happy compared to other couples, or perhaps you’re preoccupied with the thought of your partner cheating on you or leaving you. All of these could be a sign of relationship OCD. If you’re experiencing these feelings, seeking guidance from professionals at Laguna Christian Counseling can help you work through your concerns.

What is relationship OCD?

It is common to have concerns or ask serious questions that cast doubt on the future of your relationship with your spouse or partner. Uncertainty about a romantic relationship comes and goes as you go through different things. However, relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) is when the doubts, uncertainty, and discomfort about your relationship become uncontrollable, intrusive, and begin to hurt the relationship.

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a mental health condition characterized by obsessions, which are unwanted repeated and intrusive thoughts, and compulsions, which are uncontrollable routines or repeated behaviors that are related to these thoughts. With ROCD, one might begin questioning everything about the relationship, needing to be wholly certain and secure.

Often, ROCD is seen as a sign that the relationship is having trouble, or it can also be mistaken for relationship anxiety and commitment issues. However, ROCD is a serious, yet highly treatable mental health condition that can have a significant impact on a romantic relationship. For instance, in attempting to silence or quell intrusive thoughts, one might check up on their partner or invade their privacy, damaging the relationship.

The Signs of Relationship OCD

As ROCD is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder, the signs for it will fall into the same pattern. There will be obsessions and compulsions that are tell-tale signs of ROCD. An obsession is an unwanted and repeated intrusive thought or urge which can cause distress. To alleviate this distress, one turns to compulsions, which are repeated behaviors and routines that work as physical or mental attempts to counteract those thoughts or ease their discomfort.

Some of the signs of relationship OCD include the following:

Repetitive thoughts, such as whether you love them enough, or if they’re ‘the one’, whether you’re making a mistake by being in the relationship, feeling like you’re not good enough for your partner, or wondering if you’re just going through the motions.

Comparisons with others We all make comparisons between ourselves and others, even, and perhaps especially, when we know we shouldn’t. ROCD may lead to making frequent comparisons between your partner’s qualities, and another person’s. These comparisons affect your sense of well-being; for instance, you may experience concern if your partner doesn’t fare well, or deep relief if they have more positive qualities.

One might find themselves feeling irritated or enjoying their partner less as a result of these comparisons, but even when one realizes the problem, they struggle to manage and rid themselves of those thoughts of comparison.

Anxiety about impulses, which includes obsessing over any urges you may have regarding the relationship. For instance, you may experience a temptation to leave your relationship or to cheat on your partner. With ROCD, however, experiencing these passing thoughts and temptations may make you doubt your commitment to the relationship and your partner altogether.

Issues with sexual intimacy Obsessive thoughts can be a huge distraction, making it hard to not only be present when having sex, but to enjoy it. The thoughts are intrusive and uncontrollable and can range from anxiety about whether you’re compatible to being preoccupied with your partner’s past sexual encounters.

Asking for reassurance, including repeatedly asking your partner if everything is okay, or talking with your loved ones about whether your relationship is the right choice.

Hyperfocus on flaws Everyone has flaws, and noticing these in your partner isn’t a bad thing. With ROCD however, you can become obsessed with your partner’s flaws, whether it’s about certain behaviors, their appearance, or personality. The flaw may be insignificant, like how they scratch themselves or blow their nose. ROCD may lead to concerns that being annoyed like this means you aren’t meant for each other.

The symptoms of relationship OCD thus focus primarily on the relationship itself, or one’s partner. ROCD is not insecurity or a healthy concern over your relationship. It takes up valuable real estate in your mind throughout the day and significantly affects your ability to enjoy your relationship.

Finding Help

ROCD affects your well-being and the health of your relationship. It gets in the way of fully experiencing and enjoying your relationships. Treatment for ROCD is the same as for other forms of OCD, and that includes cognitive-behavioral therapy to unmask beliefs and views of the self and others. Through therapy, these are challenged and replaced with a healthier sense of self and more realistic perceptions and expectations of others.

Another successful treatment for ROCD is a form of behavioral therapy called exposure and response prevention (ERP). Your therapist will slowly expose you to triggers such as the word “cheating”, or an unflattering photo of your partner. Over time, ERP can help you tolerate discomfort and reduce the power of those triggers. In some cases, medications to reduce symptoms of anxiety may also be helpful.

If you are ready to get help for Relationship OCD and explore the various therapies available, contact our office today at Laguna Christian Counseling in California. Our reception team would be happy schedule an appointment for you to meet with one of the faith-based therapists in Laguna, California.