The Benefits of Nurturing A Growth Mindset In Life

Things do not always go according to plan. In fact, at the risk of sounding pessimistic, things are often likely to go wrong and not at all according to your plan. That could be at work, in your personal relationships, in your walk with the Lord, or just in life in general. Sometimes, a failing on our part plays a role in things going wrong, but at other times life just happens, and we find ourselves in a tough situation.

Whatever the reason behind why things haven’t worked out, there is something you can do about it. You can decide how you want to respond to the situation, and what you will take from it for yourself. Even when you have done everything right on your end, you can’t control every outcome, but at least you have some measure of control over how you respond. That’s why having a growth mindset is so important.

Having a growth mindset will help you meet those challenging situations with a constructive outlook. That can make all the difference between recovering well from a setback, or getting so frustrated that you give up and walk away from the situation entirely. We do not always get the option to quit certain things, so the result might simply be living life feeling disgruntled and unsatisfied, which isn’t what God desires for us.

Why Men Often Take Failure so Personally 

We all fail at some things in life. Sometimes that failure happens because we were not prepared enough, because we didn’t have the right support and tools to get the job done, or simply because we did not understand the assignment. Whatever the reason, failure happens. For many men, failure is something they take personally. Unfortunately, they often attach this failure to their identity and handle it in unhealthy ways.

Times are changing, but in many quarters, including the church, men are taught that the buck stops with them. They are expected to be ultimately responsible for everyone else and their wellbeing. Rightly or not, this is the messaging that many men get, and they tie their sense of being, identity, and feelings of competence to this. Failure, then, becomes catastrophic because it signals that you are not a good man.

Failure can signal a lack of competence. When people feel incompetent, that can trigger shame. Shame is when we feel distressed for failing to meet the expectations of others, and indeed our own expectations. We feel the weight of that failure and the disapproving gaze of others. Others may or may not be gazing upon us in judgment for our failure, but that does not diminish the sense that one has disappointed loved ones and themselves.

Like other experiences of shame, these feelings of distress can be cultivated in men (and women) by how they are socialized. There may be certain expectations, shaped by society and one’s family about manhood. It may include messaging that you ought to know how to do certain things, whether that is how to throw a punch, replace a flat tire, make a decent living, how to approach a woman and express your intentions, or raise your kids well.

While these and other expectations may be on men, the difficulty is that not every man has the opportunity to practice the skills necessary to do those things well. This creates a situation where there is an expectation that you can’t meet because you have not been trained to meet it. Not meeting that expectation then results in feelings of shame. One must then decide to either retreat in shame, reject those expectations, or act out in anger. 

The Growth Mindset 

The other option for how to deal with failure is to learn and adopt a growth mindset. You can look at a mistake in at least two ways. You can look at it as an ending, or you can look at it as a beginning. When you look at a mistake or failure as an ending, it becomes the last word on the matter. You failed at something, and thus you must walk away and try your hand at something else.

You can also look at a mistake you’ve made or a failure that has occurred, as a beginning. When you come up short, that can mean a lot of things, including the fact that you simply need to get better at whatever it is you were attempting. When you make a mistake, you can decide it is a small beginning toward developing a new skill and a new competence in a particular area.

Growth is not just about being okay with your mistakes. It is also about accepting them as the opportunities for growth that they are. Growing and maturing as a person is about recognizing when you are not doing your best and being willing to coax excellence out of yourself. Note, it was “excellence,” and not “perfection.” Pursuing perfection is, in many ways, a fool’s errand. The best we mortals can aim for in this life, by God’s grace, is to be excellent at what we do.

Some examples of a growth mindset include the following statements. The words in quotes indicate what a person who isn’t applying a growth mindset might say to themselves when failure happens, while the words in italics indicate what a growth mindset might look like in a similar situation.

“I’m not very good at this.”
Figuring this out will take a bit of time and effort.

“I messed that up.”
The mistakes that I make will help me to learn and grow. 

“This isn’t great, but it’s good enough.”
If I really apply myself, is this the best that I can do? 

“This is old hat; I already know how to do this.”
How can I improve myself and get better at this? Can I take a stab at teaching others how to do this? 

“I just don’t understand; I don’t get it.”
I don’t understand this just yet. 

“This is impossible; it’s too hard for me to do.”
I can do hard things, and I can do all things as God strengthens me. 

“I just can’t do this; this will never work for me.”
This is a journey, and if I work at this every day, I will be able to do this someday. 

These and many other examples indicate the difference between a person who faces mistakes and failure with a stagnant or fixed mindset, and someone who faces it with a growth mindset. With consistent application, we can get better at what we do. When we get good at it, we can then move to teach others. There’s always room for growth, and life is about learning to remain teachable and willing to grow. 

The Benefits of a Growth Mindset in Life 

A growth mindset can help you in various ways, including the following:

• You’re better able to embrace your mistakes. Instead of feeling shame or letting your cherished dreams go, a growth mindset helps you move from strength to strength as you embrace your mistakes as part of the process.
• You can reduce your stress levels. Rather than feeling like a setback or failure is catastrophic, you recognize it as an opportunity to improve. Life doesn’t become one giant all-or-nothing challenge. You can face challenges with a sanguine outlook.
• You develop resilience. Having a growth mindset allows you to keep pressing on even when things do not go your way. You stop feeling helpless in the face of setbacks.
• You are more likely to succeed. When you have a growth mindset, you are more likely to want to try new things and keep persevering until you overcome obstacles. This, in turn, means that you’ll be more likely to succeed.
• It keeps you humble. A growth mindset helps you remain alive to the fact that there’s always more to learn, and that in this life, we never truly arrive.
• It keeps you curious. Instead of approaching situations with a fixed mindset that is unwilling to shift from the known toward the unknown, a growth mindset helps you to remain curious, exploring new things and new ways to do things.

Not Going it Alone

There’s always time to change, and that includes being able to adopt a growth mindset. Sometimes it is hard to get there alone, though. By talking with a Christian counselor or life coach, you can become aware of the areas in which you’ve adopted a fixed mindset, and learn how to nurture a growth mindset, instead. If you are ready to start this journey, contact our offices today to get started. We will connect you with a counselor that is an excellent fit.